Scrolling through social media, I’ve seen a lot of “today is a blank page” type of messages for the new year. They are meant to be encouraging, inspiring us to make those changes that have been on our minds the last few days, weeks, months even.
The promise of a new beginning, a fresh start without the bad stuff sounds wonderful, freeing perhaps. I understand the appeal, I really do, but I don’t necessarily want to begin this year on a blank page.
The first half of last year, quite honestly, was one of the toughest times of my life. In many ways, it was even harder than the previous year because dealing with the previous year’s grief left me emotionally and mentally exhausted. Things normally handled with reason and optimism, knocked me down, and it took me far longer to get up than it ever had. For a couple months, it seemed I had set up residency deep in the valley.
Why would I want to take that into a new day let alone a new year?
I see the temptation of wiping away the bad - there was real pain this year I wouldn’t want to repeat, but out of that, I grew so much and in areas I didn’t even know needed pruning or growth.
I learned to let go of expectations which only led to disappointment and frustration. I let go of a few dreams (and a couple people) to make room for new ones. I learned when I get knocked down, I need to dig deep - dig deep into God’s Word, dig deep into His promises, not mine, dig deep into the community He has provided.
I learned the difference between simply ignoring fears and really letting go of them, the difference between leaning on God and really leaning into Him, the difference between talking to God and really talking with Him.
So, even though there were a few months occupied with struggle, the year will not be defined by it; instead, it will be defined by the growth and the lessons that came out of the struggle, through it, in the depths of it. And those lessons will be the first few sentences in this next chapter. There was a sowing in the struggle, and I believe there will be more growth to come, more insight to be harvested - growth and insight that cannot come from a totally blank page.
So, are there new opportunities ahead? Every day. But a completely clean slate? Not quite.
