I Cannot Do Both

The last couple weeks have been a bit rough, not horrible, just definitely not smooth.

My teaching has been interrupted by minimum days, assemblies, testing, and drills (and I’ve felt under-informed as to the logistics of most of this until the last possible moment). My poor little Pip (my cute little car) is currently in the shop being repaired because someone in a hurry decided they needed to be in my lane, you know, regardless of the fact I was already there and two objects cannot exist in the same space at the same time. Plus, said driver has yet (I emphasize YET because I am still hopeful) to take responsibility for his action (or at least his insurance company hasn’t) and the damage is such that fault is ambiguous. My deductible? Not as low as one would hope. There were many witnesses. None stopped.

Physically I’ve not been sick, but I’ve been so very tired.

In all this, I was reminded of something I saw on Project Wow’s Instagram page: You can Worry or you can Worship. You cannot do both.

Granted the things I’ve listed are not life altering; in the grand scheme of life, they are a blip – I know this. Logically.

So, when I start to rehearse possible confrontations with claim adjusters or get upset my plans for the week were derailed or stress to make sure I get everything done, I stop. I breathe. I let go of my sense of control. I pray about the unknown. I let God handle it. (He’s so much better at it anyway.)

I choose to worship.

Stay. Smile.

For those who only know adult Shannon, this might be hard to imagine, but I used to be quite shy. Painfully so, actually. What might be harder to imagine? I was also a fairly quiet kid, as though I were saving my words for a time when I would know just how and when to use them.

Fast forward to now, and I’ve for sure depleted any storehouse of saved words from my childhood. In fact, I’m pretty sure I’m rather overdrawn.

I have no problem starting conversations with strangers in everyday, random situations. I confuse those passing by with an eye contact-smile combination. However, every once in a while, when the stars align, or (more realistically) when there is a chance of actual rejection or vulnerability, my former timidity raises its downcast head.

A year and a handful of months ago, I traveled to Great Britain on my own and was totally fine with it, yet when going to an event put on by Hillsong Church, I began to get very, very nervous. Here I was in London with the intent of getting to know the city and its people. Going to a place full of fellow Christians was pretty ideal; I mean, we already had the whole “you love Jesus, too” thing going. If I was going to meet anyone, this would definitely be the place. But getting more nervous, I did the only thing I could think to do. I called my mom.

As moms often do, she gave me really good advice: Smile and don’t leave.

I thought, okay, I can do that. I smile a lot. Like, a lot, a lot, so that wasn’t going to be an issue. I just had to get myself there and not leave. Spoiler: Not only did I survive, but I met some incredible people.

I also internalized this advice and put it into practice again yesterday. My church hosted a community group open house of sorts. I have very much wanted to find real friendships at my church as I believe community is vital. Though rather nervous, I knew the importance of going, and I knew the rules: smile and don’t leave.

Not surprisingly, I again met incredible people (turns out, the world is full of them). I like to think I met people I will soon call friends, in fact. In full disclosure, I’m still over-analyzing my end of a few conversations because I haven’t quite figured out that part of my neurosis, but I smiled. I stayed.