A break from Italy

This is a bit of a vulnerable entry, but hey, I did plan on risking a bit of audacity, right? This is from a personal journal...

I am at a loss as to change this state [of being single]. I’ve thought about doing the whole internet dating site thing, but my original misgivings are still there: it’s so forced. I didn’t like the idea before, so why would I like it now? But then again, where else am I supposed to meet someone? There’s work, but no possibilities. And I do not want to meet someone at a bar. I know that I will go to the Harp for the music, so it is plausible that I could meet someone with the same morals and attitude, but I don’t think I will hold my breath.

I am trying to keep my focus however, so as to not forget about all the amazing things God has blessed me with already. I am employed for another year. I have an awesome apartment. I am blessed with good friends. I recently went on an international adventure (woo hoo Italia!). I have actually seen physical improvement with my eating/working out regime. So, you know, good things, good things…and yet,and yet...something is missing.

But once this void is filled, won’t another take it’s place? As I was reminded with a reread of my March entry, when I feel uncreative I pick up a brush or a camera. It satisfies for a moment, but then I feel it again, that void, that reminder that my apartment is my sanctuary because I am the only one who is here. I am alone. I am alone with no end in sight. Humph. So where is my real void then?

Perhaps I am overlooking a brilliant opportunity to write about this. I need to write. I wonder what it is that drives me, writing or the mere thought of being a writer. Am I romanticizing this as I do everything else? Am I keeping it in mind to have something to look forward to or because I really believe it is something that I must do. Isn’t that the true mark of a writer: obsession? I have ideas floating, but nothing too structured or screaming to get out. Hmmm…well, well, it is a quandary.