Fasting Revelation

Last week was my church’s Seek Week and it’s no misnomer. The church staff and attendees alike are to actively seek God’s direction for the church through fasting and prayer. Instead of having some textbook ten year plan, each year is planned one at a time. This is my third Seek Week at RockHarbor. In the past, I have prayed for the church during that week, when the emails that were sent out reminded me anyway. Even then, the prayers were more for the leaders and said as a “good for them for doing this” kind of sentiment.

This year, however, I knew I needed to be a little more pro-active. This year I would actively pray and fast. Now, I have fasted before in my life. I have fasted chocolate or soda or TV for a specified amount of time. I have even gone without food for 36 hours (not as easy as it sounds). This has been my history. So when I decided I would abstain from all solid foods from Sunday to Friday, I had little confidence of my success. Thankfully, that rarely stops me these days, so I proceeded.

The week was not fun. Anyone who knows me knows just how much I love food and the act of eating. Some have even witnessed my good-food-happy dance. I am sure my students, had they known I was fasting, would have asked me to eat because I was, shamefully, a bit cranky. I was even tested. Tuesday morning, my dear friend and colleague sent a few glazed twisty doughnuts to my classroom, you know, just because. I resisted. My Bible study, which has been snack free for a while, had goodies galore that night (a freshly baked apple pie included). Again, I resisted.

So, by the time Friday rolled around, I was seriously hoping…okay, expecting a grand revelation. I think my thoughts went something like this: “Um, not to be pushy God, but do you have a divine epiphany you’d like to share with me? After all, I haven’t eaten solid food all week.” And then it dawned on me: I hadn’t eaten solid food all week. The "happy dance for food" girl. The "plan my vacations and activities around food" girl. I had this great peace about life. More than that, I realized that God had answered my prayer.

A couple months ago, I had one of those great moments alone with God where I felt we had a great conversation. During this conversation, I asked God to show me how to live out Him being my sustaining force, not in the churchy abstract way, but in a real life, this is who I am kind of way. I am a tangible person, so I guess I was asking for some type of palpability from God.

For me, the palpability came in the very real hunger pangs and slight but persistent fatigue. More importantly, it came in the success of fasting for a week, knowing that on my own I wouldn’t last half a day. When I was weak, He was my strength, when I was agitated, He nudged me towards patience.

His grace brought me through in a truly "real life" way. I thanked Him for this. And yes, I thanked Him (quite passionately) when I was able to sink my teeth into the best Western Bacon Cheeseburger ever. There may have even been a bit of happy food dance involved.